Glad its the weekend, tired of boredom at work

I’m glad it’s the weekend at last. I really didn’t want to come into work this morning. I had to literally drag my body out of bed. I got dressed and got back into bed again. Can you fathom that? That’s how desperately I wanted to stay home. That’s how badly I wanted it to be the weekend. The weather is just so nice these days. The sky looks beautiful with its spread of clouds.

Ah..N i happened to check out Robin Sharma’s book on daily inspirational quotes and the one for today talked something in the likes of taking a short vacation while you’re at work. Relaxing your mind, taking deep breaths and imagining we were at one of our favorite holidays destinations. Envisioning the surroundings, hearing the sounds and evoking all those emotions. It sure feels good to read it and for a second when I did close my eyes, I did get relaxed! But hey!! I want to go on holiday, not just visualize it. I want or even more precisely, I need a break. I am in need for my brain to breathe.

I need to venture out and do something on my own in terms of business. I am tired of coming to work and not being able to do anything. In my line of work, due to the global recession and the financial slump work is a bit haggard at the moment. I am bored out of my skull and am getting extremely crabby about everything else around me cos this reason. I realize that I am not being productive and its really frustrating. I need to be doing something. My life, my work needs to make more sense to me than this.

I need to start my own business. Ah anyways and on top of that feels like the entire world is out there to attack me. I am trying to figure out the positive in this but its gets difficult every single day. I now realize why its so hard for me to wake up to work. Cos I really don’t have any!!

So there is nothing motivating me to sit at my desk 9 hours of the day. I may as well be sitting at home and doing craft for example. But then I’m so used to having my own money, I don’t know whether or how I ever will allow myself to be dependent on someone else to provide me with money. There are so many ifs and buts, but I seriously would rather be sitting at home and paint for example. There is an assortment of things I can think of that I could be doing other than sitting idle at my desk. Hmmmm let’s see:

1. I could help out with the mentally challenged children

2. I could join a craft club and start painting again

3. I could probably take up after my other passion- photography

4. I could start my own business which has been on my mind since ages

The list can go on and on. I don’t want to think more and depress myself thinking what the hell I’m doing right now, at this point in my life. If I could support myself I would definitely not be working, at least not what I am doing at the moment. Oh! Don’t get me wrong, I love the job or the nature of the job, but I hate that I have nothing to do and I’m sitting idle. Boredom is getting to me and there are days when I could pull the hair out of my head! Any little thing is enough to upset me these days and that’s cos I feel completely useless. But guess that’s life. Cést la vie

Work is not gonna catch up anytime soon. So I definitely need to divert my mind with other things. Guess I’ll take each day as it comes and just to cheer me up... its the weekend!!!! Hurraay!!!!!

Celebrations

I love birthdays! People always talk about getting older but I cant be buggered to think about age when there is an occasion to celebrate! Age is a reason but a birthday is an occasion. I guess one has a choice. I definitely choose the occasion or any other reason for that matter to celebrate. It gives me immense joy in organizing festivities, celebrations, or any other happy occasion for that matter. I often wonder why?

I guess life is short and its best enjoyed laughing and enjoying the company of your loved ones. Those moments of happiness are most often than not, the ones captured as pics in cameras. We would love to forget the mundane routines of our lives, the tensions and other things that always pre occupy our mind. Oh give me any reason and I would love to celebrate.

I think even a small intimate dinner with your partner is a celebration on its own. It could be as small as to share something eventful that happened during the day. Why not? I am most happy when I feel appreciated and loved and when I can make my partner happy. Cos I know when he is happy then I am appreciated in return. It’s a vivacious circle of human emotions.

I mean don’t get me wrong, that’s not to say my life is a bed of roses. Oh, even I have my roller coaster moments, the retarded sensitiveness when I’m pmsing, or the occasional insecurities that creeps and stings, the sensations of being stepped over, being nonexistent for one of your loved ones or the general frustrations in life. It’s a very long list and I am sure on and off I will have lots of occasions to pen down on those.

But coming back to celebrations, you see that the best part. You forget that you’ve had a mood swing, or that you have been yelled upon or you have been hurt by someone. You are just waiting for a reason to forget the wounds in life for those few hours when your celebrating.

I am also exactly like that. I’m not having the best of my days today, you know when everything appears to be very bla……For no particular reason that too. However I still look forward to the evening, cos I know I’ll forget the former part of my day and just bask in the moments of cheerfulness and pleasure.

I think live and let live, celebrate and enjoy.. Cést la vie.

The sentiment of missing someone

Ever since I started writing this blog, I was determined that it would be a blend of everything. Current affairs, social and environmental issues, economic viewpoints, and off course last but not the least the various emotions that flood my brain though varying points in time. Today I am going to address one such emotion.

I have always wondered, whether its only me that missed people so much. The levels and intensity of the emotion would vary depending on the person and how close I was to him/her. Have you ever missed someone that it hurt really bad? Have you ever missed someone that you become so angry with them for in turn having made you miss them? Yes I have.

There are several occasions where I’ve missed someone and felt terrible because I think that he/she didn’t miss me that much. I have often wondered if I meant anything to him/her at all. If not to that extent whether I meant as much to them as they meant to me? Thinking if he/she cared for me the way I cared and thought about them.

We often do a variety of things whether consciously or unconsciously when we miss someone terribly. I find myself constantly looking at my mobile to check, just by luck/fate/destiny (whatever one may want to term it) there isn’t a message sitting there that I could have possibly missed. I find myself rushing to my mobile once it rings hoping that it's him/her on the other end. I find myself looking out of the window hoping that he/she would surprise me by appearing downstairs. I find myself sitting in front of the television but thinking of him/he and missing the final episode of my favorite show. I find myself laying on my bed and thinking of the last time we were out together. I find myself going to places where he/she usually went, just hoping I would bump into them. I find myself talking to people and having no clue what the conversation was about as I was so lost in thought about him/her. I find myself thinking of the things I would say or do if he/she were to just walk through that door. I even find myself very stupidly getting excited in the hope that I would soon stop missing him/her.

When I realize that he/she isn't at a place they usually would have been, or haven’t called/messaged me in a while, I’ll even start worrying about him/her. I miss him/her so deeply, even as I realize they were such a big part of my life and now that they are gone, the void is too large to fill. I miss him/her for the happiness and satisfaction they brought into my life.

Missing someone exposes all of us to feelings of loneliness. It teaches us that there is actually a feeling known as emptiness. Isn’t it just crazy how much we can miss an individual? We miss them so much that we can’t cry because we know it won’t bring them back. It gets to a point when we can almost see them, smell their scent, hear their voice in our ears and almost feel them. But like someone rightly said, almost doesn’t count. It’s not good enough!

People may advise- Cést la vie. That's life and to move on. But I want him/her back in my life. I want the pain to disappear. I want to stop missing and start living.

Cos that’s “life”! – Having you in it