Ever since I started writing this blog, I was determined that it would be a blend of everything. Current affairs, social and environmental issues, economic viewpoints, and off course last but not the least the various emotions that flood my brain though varying points in time. Today I am going to address one such emotion.
I have always wondered, whether its only me that missed people so much. The levels and intensity of the emotion would vary depending on the person and how close I was to him/her. Have you ever missed someone that it hurt really bad? Have you ever missed someone that you become so angry with them for in turn having made you miss them? Yes I have.
There are several occasions where I’ve missed someone and felt terrible because I think that he/she didn’t miss me that much. I have often wondered if I meant anything to him/her at all. If not to that extent whether I meant as much to them as they meant to me? Thinking if he/she cared for me the way I cared and thought about them.
We often do a variety of things whether consciously or unconsciously when we miss someone terribly. I find myself constantly looking at my mobile to check, just by luck/fate/destiny (whatever one may want to term it) there isn’t a message sitting there that I could have possibly missed. I find myself rushing to my mobile once it rings hoping that it's him/her on the other end. I find myself looking out of the window hoping that he/she would surprise me by appearing downstairs. I find myself sitting in front of the television but thinking of him/he and missing the final episode of my favorite show. I find myself laying on my bed and thinking of the last time we were out together. I find myself going to places where he/she usually went, just hoping I would bump into them. I find myself talking to people and having no clue what the conversation was about as I was so lost in thought about him/her. I find myself thinking of the things I would say or do if he/she were to just walk through that door. I even find myself very stupidly getting excited in the hope that I would soon stop missing him/her.
When I realize that he/she isn't at a place they usually would have been, or haven’t called/messaged me in a while, I’ll even start worrying about him/her. I miss him/her so deeply, even as I realize they were such a big part of my life and now that they are gone, the void is too large to fill. I miss him/her for the happiness and satisfaction they brought into my life.
Missing someone exposes all of us to feelings of loneliness. It teaches us that there is actually a feeling known as emptiness. Isn’t it just crazy how much we can miss an individual? We miss them so much that we can’t cry because we know it won’t bring them back. It gets to a point when we can almost see them, smell their scent, hear their voice in our ears and almost feel them. But like someone rightly said, almost doesn’t count. It’s not good enough!
People may advise- Cést la vie. That's life and to move on. But I want him/her back in my life. I want the pain to disappear. I want to stop missing and start living.
Cos that’s “life”! – Having you in it
7 comments:
I’m so touched by what you said ,, you go through things in your life and u find it sometimes hard to express and what I read just now in ur blog strangely explained what I was goin throu,, but the funny thing is I;m not sure if it funny really but I cant feel anything anymore missing or loving a person in that matter its kinda scary.. guess I’m only anesthetized ..my friends say and I quote “eftkite” but I don’t think so I miss havin those feelings
I guess after a while people do get numb... But I am not sure whether we can ever stop missing someone who was truly close to our heart.. Sometimes we do hope that we wouldnt have that feeling of missing someone.. but unfortunately life aint that simple, isn't it?
Are you virgo? sorry to pop-in simply like this, but had such experience with Virgos and liked it, however, somehow I frighten Virgos by the mystery involved with Scorpio! Disard it if you feel not tuned. Thanks
K, I'm not a Virgo.. What made you think I was? Am not into horoscopes, so wouldnt know.
oh okay. It's quite cumbersome but the bottom line is that we don't sometimes have control over sentimental feelings because we simply don't know what precisely attracts (us) to the other. You simply feel no one can fill the gap no matter what, becomes arrogant about it even and then have self disdain for what happened and the try to find some justification for it, but nothing, complete emptiness with silence. I thought Virgos are notorious for this, combined with Scorpio possessing the needed ingredients; Virgos will just go obsessed crazily. It's unbelievable when you think about it, but for (our) bewilderment it does happen!
Your right Kick...it amuses me too...human emotions in general! The varying intensities and the passion with which we succumb to it. Knowingly or unknowingly we are all victims to it.
know this is very old , but wanted to say to Kick, I am Aries and completely obssessed by a man who does not feel the same anymore. he is a leo. i still see him every day as we work together, but he clearly has nothing left for me, i miss him with evry fibre of my being, and i had to delete him from my social networking pages as i was starting to feel like a stalker.he is younger than me, and wants to live a different type of life than i do, in fact i was willing to do whatever he wanted, he was the only person who understood me, and now to have him ignore me hurts like hell. evryday is torturous,i wish i felt like notorious does,instead i feel like this is an open wound that will never heal.This quote gets it perfectly,“Have you ever been in love? Horrible isn't it? It makes you so vulnerable. It opens your chest and it opens up your heart and it means that someone can get inside you and mess you up. You build up all these defenses, you build up a whole suit of armor, so that nothing can hurt you, then one stupid person, no different from any other stupid person, wanders into your stupid life...You give them a piece of you. They didn't ask for it. They did something dumb one day, like kiss you or smile at you, and then your life isn't your own anymore. Love takes hostages. It gets inside you. It eats you out and leaves you crying in the darkness, so simple a phrase like 'maybe we should be just friends' turns into a glass splinter working its way into your heart. It hurts. Not just in the imagination. Not just in the mind. It's a soul-hurt, a real gets-inside-you-and-rips-you-apart pain. I hate love.”
(Neil Gaiman.)
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